How to Get Started Biking (Wired Staff; MAY 19, 2022)

People have no idea what I’ve experienced and been through; or how I’ve tried to atone; and exactly how powerful, extremely tight and short a leash I’ve been on for 20 years — which was, at times, terrorizing. No-one who is fully human will ever know. Surveillance cameras do not capture the interior realities and internal phenomena, drama, terrors, etc. One can surmise, but never fully perceive.

Sometimes, it’s felt like trying to climb a sheer rock-face cliff, hanging on by one’s nails, with someone standing above kicking rocks onto your head for 24 hours at a time — literally. That’s just one scenario.

Historically he is asking if one person can bring the inner life of a historical figure into view. Psychologically he is asking if psychologists can really give an accurate picture of the inner world. Religiously he’s asking if one person can accurately perceive the inner world of the spirituality of another person.

Wikipedia: Kierkegaard’s Either/Or;

As for spouting “lies from the control centre” (NW, 05/25/22) — I’d say 95% of what has gone on since 2000, I cannot even explain, describe, convey or give voice to. And as for any reprieves — I’ve had to go through unbelievably endless hoops to *earn* them. Also, as my friend A. has taught me so well, ‘There’s always a down side.’

Many things I’ve done in good faith; and yet, nevertheless, I’ve observed my entire extended family (including very distant relations) be themselves harmed, manipulated, controlled, denied employment or be underpaid, finagled, fleeced, etc, across a 21-year span. The list goes on. And what could I say?

Oh yes, ethnic cleansing. It begins right here. One fellow volunteer recently and quietly said, “We’ve waited so long.” Presumably to finish me off. Well, guess what. Had they not “waited so long”, I doubt the infinite gains and progress that have been made so far — and the great future vision of a Dawning New Age — would have been achieved with the speed, efficiency and comprehensiveness it has been, without yours truly. There is not one place I look that I don’t see some aspect of my life or experiences (even ideas) being somehow utilized and reflected back at me — many/most/all TV programs and other media; the online world and social media; advertising; companies of all sizes (!!); governments; the policies and practices of all the above, etc.

Want to know why I do so much *navel-gazing*?

Maybe it’s because every avenue of my life has been blocked or repeatedly shut down (not to mention being hacked, tampered with, vandalized, trespassed against, stolen from, violated, ripped off, made non-credible forevermore, injected, or made to jump through countless hoops and perform — they really love that part; and I’m not referring to sexual acts). Every aspect of daily life — both on/offline — that most people take for granted, often lies out of my reach, behind a thousand veils, or is seriously stomped down, if I start to make any progress, it would seem. Keeping the rat in the wheel, lol.

Meanwhile, everyone else’s capabilities are growing and expanding by leaps and bounds. While I have to do things manually, one by one (eg, spending 1-2 hours just to select email recipients and sending in batches of 10, lol; my screen’s view will progressively shrink, or blog controls will appear and disappear, etc, etc); or not be able to access the services commonly offered by the companies I am paying full price to, etc. This all sounds banal, but again, there’s so much more that cannot even be described.

Did you know there are probably hundreds of ways to tamper with one’s vehicle? For example: making various controls inoperable, or controlling them remotely; damaging parts to rack up your bills; tampering with doors and the trunk to bang your head; switching the windshield wipers; siphoning gas, and so on.

This means, of course, I will only be able to ride my bike to limited locations, as it will not be safe from tampering.


I was a mostly regular person until age 28; not perfect, not typical, but reasonably peace-loving (see next post).

(Next thing I know, all the meat-eaters out there will be judging me for desecrating animals for food, or for not eating Kosher / Halal / free run / organic meats. Anyway, I would much rather be vegetarian (for every reason that exists — humane, environmental, economic, spiritual, basic cleanliness, etc), but my digestion simply doesn’t tolerate it well — despite repeated attempts to do so healthily. Was vegetarian/vegan for a number of years, but my immune system became quite compromised.)

Shout out to Cedar Row Farm Sanctuary!

Violent psychopath? More like sociopath or narcissist.

Kindly read:

What’s the Difference Between a Psychopath and a Sociopath? And How Do Both Differ from Narcissists?

“To put the matter simplistically, psychopaths are born, and sociopaths are made.

I had to become cold and uncaring, in many cases, to avoid letting these psychopathic persecutors know that I was actually affected by their doings. Where I might normally call to check in with people, or respond in a timely manner, I became detached and aloof to hopefully deter further tragedies. Obviously that didn’t work.

And what could I do about a perfectly innocent and harmless friendship with K? Was I selfish, exploitative or manipulative? I may as well shun all people and relationships, and renounce the world altogether.

Anyway, this is a huge topic. Frankly, I wonder where Adolph Hitler falls on the psychopathic spectrum, since he and his officers were huge planners.


Today (yesterday, now) is AB’s birthday. Once again, I was expected to meet expectations and everything else, in all the right ways. Just more monkey work inside the lab cage. Oh, and of course, at the same time, I found my toiletry products had been tampered with, leading to various ‘physical effects’. Yep, always the hidden slap down. Talking out of both sides of one’s mouth, etc. In 22 years of unbelievably intense experiences, and socio-psychological-environmental-economic-political-spiritual experimentation, I can literally count the extremely brief times where a transcendental alternative or escape was offered — and always at a price, with lots more work, compliance, obedience involved, etc. Or split-second opportunities to change my fate, ack.

Want to know what one great offering was?

I never have to eat or drink ever again! WOW, if that’s a dream situation for you, give me a ring. I can hook you up with the most thorough and helpful team of specialists you will ever meet. Plus, they’ll find every possible way to make you *crave* foods, at the same time. Oh no, no freebies there — we’ll take you along the longest, hardest paths possible.

Tooker Gomberg (1955-2004): A Superb Activist, Writer, Politician

Tooker Gomberg was the only person who seemed capable of comprehending my unbelievable situation, then; and he was a genuine activist, plus a well-known public figure, who had actually organized a Halloween bus ride to protest CSIS’s harassment and other illegal practices — I thought it’d be safe to reach out to him. Yet, when I actually tried to do so, I suddenly felt at a loss for words. Who the heck would believe my experiences or situation?

Here’s a man who likewise inadvertently killed a cyclist (but who’s clearly been allowed the grace and space of a ‘do-over’)…

What happened to Michael Bryant? Former Ontario attorney general on his do-over

Former attorney general of Ontario Michael Bryant’s life changed forever in August 2009 following a deadly encounter with a Toronto cyclist. 

Bryant, who had left provincial politics for a job as CEO of Invest Toronto, was driving home from an anniversary dinner with his wife when he got into an altercation with a bike courier along Bloor Street. 

Darcy Allan Sheppard, 33, reportedly latched onto Bryant’s car, and as the former provincial politician tried to drive away, Sheppard died when he hit the pavement after striking a mailbox and tree. 

Bryant, who was once such a rising star in the Ontario Liberal Party that he was seen as a potential leader and premier, was charged with criminal negligence causing death and dangerous operation of a motor vehicle. The charges were dropped after prosecutors concluded there was little chance of a conviction.

In 2011, Bryant published a book, 28 Seconds, that looked at the aftermath of the controversial incident before he disappeared from public life. 

“I had been putting off the ‘now what’ and wondering what the do-over would look like,” Bryant told CBC Radio’s Metro Morning Thursday. “Therein began the process of overthinking and not doing the ‘doing’ part of the do-over.” 

That’s when Bryant says he found the Sanctuary, a charitable organization in a former church in the city’s downtown area that serves as a drop-in centre for the homeless. 

“I ended up somewhere I did not expect to go,” the 51-year-old explained. 

“I ended up in there through a series of events and found myself connecting and identifying with people, and learning from people who I had previously not identified with and frankly been afraid of.” 

He claims the organization helped him deal with Sheppard’s death, adding he will never be able to reconcile it. 

“That’s something that is just with me all the time,” he said. 

“He was a human being and he lost his life and that’s something I can’t undo and can’t go back, so what can I do today? That’s how I’m living.”

Seven years after charges were withdrawn, Bryant is the new executive director of the Canadian Civil Liberties Association, a non-profit organization that advocates for Canadians’ constitutional rights. He also works as a criminal lawyer at a bail court in Brampton, a decision he says was influenced by his experience at Sanctuary. 

“While I was having this existential debate in my head about what I should be doing and what the do-over looks like, I had people from Sanctuary coming up to me and saying, ‘Look I’ve been charged. I need some assistance,'” he said. 

“This is a group of people who need assistance and need to have their rights protected and that is my job.” 

While Bryant has nearly two decades of experience in provincial politics and at the time was the youngest attorney general in the province’s history, he is now representing people in bail court who don’t have a lawyer. 

“I’m standing beside a Crown attorney who used to think of me as a boss. I’m facing a justice of the peace who I probably appointed to that bench and I’m looking over at a defendant who in some cases is desperate and is going to do just about anything to get out,” he said. 

“I know that feeling a little bit because I was there and I know how terrifying it is to be on the other side of that window in those cuffs.” 

This week, in honour of the new year, Metro Morning is bringing you stories of ‘Do-Overs’ — moments in which people decide to make profound changes to their lives. Have you had a ‘Do-Over’ moment? Leave us a message at 416-205-5807 or email us at


  • An earlier version of this story incorrectly reported that Michael Bryant was acquitted in the death of Darcy Allan Sheppard. In fact, Crown prosecutors withdrew all criminal charges against him.Jan 12, 2018 12:08 PM ET

Charges against Bryant in fatal crash withdrawn

CBC News · Posted: May 25, 2010 10:01 AM ET | Last Updated: May 25, 2010

Cyclist involved in 6 previous altercations with motorists: prosecutor*****

Former Ontario attorney general Michael Bryant says the 28-second incident that led to the death of a bicycle courier in downtown Toronto last August was “horrifying.”

Bryant spoke to reporters Tuesday, hours after Crown prosecutors withdrew all criminal charges against him stemming from the death of Darcy Allen Sheppard.

“What I will never forget for the rest of my life is the unnecessary tragedy of that night,” Bryant said. “A young man is dead, and for his family and friends that remains the searing memory. To them, I express my sympathies and sincere condolences.”

Richard Peck, a prosecutor brought in from British Columbia to handle the case, told a Toronto court Tuesday morning there was no reasonable prospect of conviction.

Former Ontario attorney general Michael Bryant arrives at a court in Toronto on Tuesday, when the Crown withdrew charges involving an altercation with a bike courier. (CBC)

Peck said in court that the decision not to pursue the case was “mine and mine alone.”

Bryant was originally charged with criminal negligence causing death and dangerous operation of a motor vehicle causing death after a confrontation with Sheppard on the evening of Aug. 31, 2009.

Criminal negligence causing death carries a maximum sentence of life in prison, while dangerous operation of a motor vehicle causing death carries a maximum 14-year term.

Police had alleged that Sheppard died after grabbing onto a car on Bloor Street West following an altercation with the driver.

In court, Peck said Bryant and his wife panicked when Sheppard came into their car.

Forensic experts concluded Sheppard was trying to attack Bryant, Peck added.

Video of the incident shows Sheppard leaned into the driver side of Bryant’s car near the steering wheel, and was holding onto the car as it moved forward, veering to the wrong side of the road.

Peck’s report said Sheppard’s left torso hit a fire hydrant located close to the south curb in area of 131 Bloor St. West. The blow dislodged him from Bryant’s car, and caused him to strike his head either on the curb or a raised portion of the roadway.

“The impact was fatal,” according to Peck’s executive summary.

“Our conclusion is that Mr. Bryant had been attacked by a man who unfortunately was in a rage,” Peck later said outside court. “In such circumstances, he was legally justified in attempting to get away. The case could not be proved.”

Sheppard’s struggles detailed

The cyclist’s blood-alcohol concentration at the time of his death was measured at 0.183, more than twice the legal limit, court was told. 

“Mr. Sheppard struggled with alcohol, drug use and psychiatric issues,” said Peck, who added that he was trying to outline the facts in the case and not trying to “demonize” Sheppard.

Peck detailed six previous altercations — including one that happened the same day as the incident with Bryant —  involving Sheppard and motorists who called police after seeing Sheppard’s photo, which Peck said indicated “a pattern of escalating behaviour with motorists leading to the fateful incident.”

In one case, Sheppard smashed a car mirror, and in another he reached into a BMW trying to snatch keys, Peck told the court.

Family, friends react

Outside of court, Allan Sheppard, the father of the dead cyclist, said he didn’t know what result would have made him happy.

“The people who made the decisions, they heard me, they listened to me, they talked to me with great respect. They reached a decision that I’ll accept.”

Misty Bailey, the dead cyclist’s girlfriend, was more direct.

“The message I’m getting is we deserve to die for riding a bike,” she said. “There’s no repercussions.”

Bryant was elected as the Liberal MPP for St. Paul’s riding in 1999 and won re-election in 2003 — becoming the province’s youngest-ever attorney general at the time — and again in 2007. He also served as aboriginal affairs minister and minister of economic development.

Bryant remained an Ontario cabinet minister until May of last year when he stepped down to take the job as president and CEO of Invest Toronto, an arm’s-length agency set up by the City of Toronto to promote investment. Until then, he had been frequently mentioned as a possible successor to Premier Dalton McGuinty as leader of the province’s Liberals.

Bryant is a Harvard-trained lawyer who clerked at the Supreme Court of Canada and later taught law at the University of Toronto, Osgoode Hall and King’s College, London.

With files from The Canadian Press

(I may be inadvertently spreading disinformation, above. Frankly, nowadays, unless I see things for myself, I cannot say whether something is indeed factual and real, and even then…)

*****NOTE: With the exception of my having shouted back at an extremely aggressive triad member, who had shouted at me and a fellow traveller in 1997 (and seemed to be demanding some sort of response), I myself had NO altercations prior to the surveillance which began in 1998 — nor in the 4.5 years that followed. I may have pushed a few people’s buttons with my unhealed energies.

About groovy777

Toronto gal. Curious about people, life, the universes.
This entry was posted in architecture, artwork, energy, env activism, experimental, food, global village, information age, internet, intro, Marshall McLuhan, multiverse, nature, oppression, people, places, Self, space, therapy, things, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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