Editing is Refining, Until One Gets To An Accurate Picture

Kindly read posts from the site itself (myphotoblog.ca), as there are often edits. Better yet is to wait a few days or longer, before reading. Thank you to any companions on this peculiar journey.

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To Edit, Or Not To Edit

Firstly, I have about 1 functioning brain cell left — if that. And recently, these past few months, I have not been in a very good mood or mindset. Being in fight-or-flight mode, in particular, can bring out the worst in me. Call it trauma, or hypervigilance, or feeling like I’ve been an 18-year patsy in a plan far bigger and more complicated than most people’s imaginings (which I don’t even know myself; just that I’ve been through 1 million or more lessons, tests, retributions, with sometimes terrifying choices and decisions over the tiniest of choices and actions, and so forth, that few can even conceive of — 1 million manipulations, lead-ons, and even traps).

People talk to me about honesty, yet don’t offer the same — or, it’s give, give, give and do, do, do, humiliate and shame, suffer, sweat, cry, deny or alter every aspect of your being, your habits and inclinations, on and on, with a breadcrumb of knowledge in return — or brief moments of grace. Honestly, it feels like 100 million trips on a UFO that dips up and down at high speeds — disappointment after disappointment; more waiting and walking on eggshells, etc; and then, they wonder why you don’t respond anymore, or aren’t willing.

So for the record, ‘in that moment’, I did feel compassion and understanding**, and I liked the young man very much. I did my best to listen. No judgements or aspersions were cast. Was just conscious of the fact that I myself and others were struggling to breathe in a painful and highly politicized social environment.

In the retelling, under my current circumstances and stressors, I sounded uncaring, and I am sorry.

**NOTE: I would even have said ‘deep’, but somehow every thought, feeling, idea, or concept of who I think I am or was is in utter doubt. I seem to get very mixed messages on this front.

About groovy777

Toronto gal. Curious about people, life, the universes.
This entry was posted in animals, architecture, artwork, energy, env activism, experimental, fish and marine life, flowers, food, global village, holography, information age, insects, internet, intro, Jewish history, Marshall McLuhan, multiverse, music, nature, night scene, oppression, outerspace, people, pets, places, portraits, scenery, Self, space and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

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