This photo blog came about through the helpful suggestion of my Uncle who has been very supportive through these challenging times. Photography is quite therapeutic and has been a great way to [re]connect with people.

ABOUT ME: I am Toronto born and raised in the late 60s. A much different time. Many years ago, I lived abroad for 6 years and travelled to 12 countries. The intensity of the experience left me disoriented. I also left a good airline job to pursue environmental studies and non-profit work, ideally to support co-operatives – which I believe are the perfect counterbalance to pure, unchecked capitalism. Unfortunately, increasing mental health issues left me caring very little about the world around me. I have been diagnosed with a more serious mental health disorder, but also struggle with complex PTSD, anxiety, and depression.

UPDATE 1: Having been through various ups and downs (including 10 hospitalizations in 10 years, and dropping to 95 lbs each time – I am currently 160 lbs), I’m glad to say I’m currently going through an ‘up’ time. I’m a lifelong volunteer and continue to attend various self-development courses (2014). I have also been serially employed (45 jobs in 16 years) and participate in various support programs (2018).

UPDATE 2: Sorry, now going through a ‘down’ time (2018). People often don’t believe I have mental health issues. Not that I want to be labelled, but I’d rather start with an honest and open understanding with other people – especially because I know I have instinctual and behavioural issues. That is clearly reflected by my employment history; and by the various shopkeepers or co-workers who think I may steal; and by the often poor service I get in food outlets/restaurants because the staff think I look down upon them (yet I’ve worked in countless restaurants myself, and I deeply desire to be a good Server); and by the many people I come across daily, who feel I am bigoted and prejudiced, be it based on colour, creed, size, orientation, ability – whatever.

Yet I understand oppression from pretty much every angle possible, having lived it myself, and having seen first-hand how it operates in disparate countries. I analyze social and environmental injustices on a constant basis. I have also intimately known people from so many races and religions of both genders or who are gender-fluid. Finally, I myself am Asian, female, feminist, bisexual, low-income, have weight and eating issues, and have various disabilities, etc. (eg, My memory and learning are so impaired that my former library co-workers practically thought I was mentally handicapped, and of course they rubbed this in by placing differently-abled volunteers in my section repeatedly. Believe me, I experience ‘sabotage’ in the workplace – and in many other areas – on a continual basis. Despite my sincerest efforts to do right by people – my social ineptitude and hyper-vigilance around power issues causes people to invariably think I am politicking them.

Having lived through 7 years of illegal government surveillance and harassment (the most psychotic people around!), and having spent time in some of the most complicated societies in the world, I do catch onto the many games that people play, unbeknownst to them, but I never retaliate because: a) I have a naive belief in integrity and Canadian decency; and b) I’m simply not good at setting traps, game-playing, and baiting people, which our survival-of-the-fittest society thrives on. Frankly, my heart is now so battered and bruised it doesn’t even know which way to turn anymore.

The bottom line is: I *trigger* people, and they *trigger* me. I live in a constant vortex. (December 17, 2018)

NOTE 1: I’m extremely self-conscious about the fact that Chinese can be autocratic, intolerant imperialists, both within their own country and within the Asia-Pacific region, as well as here in Canada. Sometimes I’m too aware of how people *look* at me, so that I simply act and behave in ways that conform to their stereotyped perceptions about me. Hence, the presumed bigotry – people assume I’m basically a square and intolerant xenophobe. That’s why I get hyper-anxious in socially-diverse settings and immediately give off negative vibes to people.  Just ask my many co-workers, past and present. But what does my hospital psychiatrist care? So long as I don’t go back into hospital, that’s all he cares about and is paid for.

NOTE 2: I use a Canon Powershot camera; basically a point-and-shoot. People at the (now-defunct) Photography Meetup always laugh at me!  🙂

PLEASE NOTE: The Header photo was not taken by me; it came with the template.

2 Responses to About

  1. gpcox says:

    Very pleased to meet you. I can understand the therapeutic value; I have a high regard for photographers because they can see what the rest of us simply walk on by without a second glance.

    • groovy777 says:

      Pleased to meet you as well! Yes photography certainly does slow one’s eye down to take in and appreciate the world around us. They say it can be learned, so here’s hoping!

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