Pretty sure my image in the photo’s been enhanced, but whatever.
Along with various other things that get tweaked or tainted etc in my residences, the pair of pants I am wearing above, showed up mysteriously, after my *chance meeting* with ‘Dennis’ on May 19, when I was wearing my usual Levi’s jeans. He was telling me about Trump, MAGA, Magas (Satan), ‘666’ and ‘777’, etc. Then, his tiny dog clutched my left pant leg, and promptly went over to this witch-like lady. It’s part of a long, complicated and bizarre story, which is never likely to be believed. Had I the memory and skill to write fiction, it would certainly make a compelling book.
When I saw Richard (which included Allison) for the first time after a 6-year hiatus, he was happily telling us about his black leather jacket (with skull and crossbones graphics on the back) and his scooter (also with satanic or death-type stickers).
Richard is a supremely brilliant man — genius, really! And a great hugger, with his eye on the big picture.
I hope this Wikipedia page about Søren Kierkegaard’s book Either/Or (Danish: Enten – Eller, 1843) doesn’t get somehow altered. It’s a fascinatingly close summary of what my own life experiences and dilemmas have been like — transgressing or transcending a lot of traditional boundaries and groups, as well as conventional understandings of life. It doesn’t capture the spiritual or extrasensory aspects, however.
Either/Or (Danish: Enten – Eller) is the first published work of the Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard. Appearing in two volumes in 1843 under the pseudonymous editorship of Victor Eremita (Latin for “victorious hermit”), it outlines a theory of human existence, marked by the distinction between an essentially hedonistic, aesthetic mode of life and the ethical life, which is predicated upon commitment.
Either/Or portrays two life views. Each life view is written and represented by a fictional pseudonymous author, with the prose of the work reflecting and depending on the life view being discussed. For example, the aesthetic life view is written in short essay form, with poetic imagery and allusions, discussing aesthetic topics such as music, seduction, drama, and beauty. The ethical life view is written as two long letters, with a more argumentative and restrained prose, discussing moral responsibility, critical reflection, and marriage.[1] The views of the book are not neatly summarized, but are expressed as lived experiences embodied by the pseudonymous authors. The book’s central concern is the primal question asked by Aristotle, “How should we live?“[2] His motto comes from Plutarch, “The deceived is wiser than one not deceived.”[3]
The aesthetic is the personal, subjective realm of existence, where an individual lives and extracts pleasure from life only for their own sake. In this realm, one has the possibility of the highest as well as the lowest. The ethical, on the other hand, is the civic realm of existence, where one’s value and identity are judged and at times superseded by the objective world. In simple terms, one can choose either to remain oblivious to all that goes on in the world, or to become involved. More specifically, the ethic realm starts with a conscious effort to choose one’s life, with a choice to choose. Either way, however, an individual can go too far in these realms and lose sight of his or her true self. Only faith can rescue the individual from these two opposing realms. Either/Or concludes with a brief sermon hinting at the nature of the religious sphere of existence, which Kierkegaard spent most of his publishing career expounding upon. Ultimately, Kierkegaard’s challenge is for the reader to “discover a second face hidden behind the one you see”[4] in him/herself first, and then in others.
The third essay, called “The Unhappiest One”, discusses the hypothetical question: “who deserves the distinction of being unhappier than everyone else?” Kierkegaard has progressed from a search for the highest[27] to the search for the lowest.[28] Now he wants to find the unhappy person by looking once again to the past.
Hyperbole? As absurd as it may possibly sound, mine was the above experience, on both a physical, everyday level (ie, corporate-govt collusion; systemic oppressions; undermining of every aspect of my daily life; lack of police response, whatever!!) and an ethereal, spiritual one. I was and have been totally invalidated by one and all, and everything was completely hidden from public view — except if one had 100 or 1000 collaborators to help document and connect all the shreds of evidence — otherwise, no solid quantifiable truths.
NOTE: One can be massively persecuted, without necessarily being a blameless or selfless person — although I could sometimes really identify with various sentiments expressed by people who truly meant well, and yet were nevertheless relentlessly dogged down.
So for those ‘in the know’, who may judge me so readily, I don’t think one may fully appreciate until they have walked a mile…
Later in Concluding Unscientific Poscript he wrote; “inspiration is indeed an object of faith, is qualitatively dialectical, not attainable by means of quantification.”[32]
Despite my recent morose, long-winded posts, I was very excited to see the ads for the new film, Downton Abbey: A New Era(2022), coming out soon! (Thank you Nora Ephron and Ayman Mohyeldin for sharing some lighter moments, at last! And to Joyce Vance for the wisdom. (May 28/22; see NOTE 1)*)
[EDIT: Gun control activist David Hogg, a survivor of the Parkland shootings at Marjory Stoneman Douglas P.S., makes the excellent point that news media about the latest Robb Elementary School massacre should not let up until gun laws change in America (MSNBC, May 29/22). This probably requires the Republicans to stop filibustering so many essential laws etc that have been proposed/submitted for review for many years. Also I should clarify that my companion watches TV newscasts for a minimum of 8-10 hours/day; whereas I have always been depressed watching the often negative news that gets aired on TV. Depression is something I had struggled with in previous periods of my life. I would much rather do something about problems — just point me in the right direction, and let it be constructive action.]
Was going to ask my companion D. if he wanted to see this latest Downton Abbey film, but that may be a challenge, and not sure if it’s something he would enjoy. Have asked him to watch the TV series before. Such a well-acted program, brilliant script, beautiful historical costumes, incredible set design (at Highclere Castle in England), awesome scenery, etc.
Awhile ago, my mother and I had watched a documentary about The Real Downton Abbey (Highclere Castle) and the couple who own it; plus, fantastic interviews with the phenomenal writer and driving force behind it all, Julian Fellowes. Also really enjoyed the hilarious appearance of Hugh Bonneville (Robert Crawley), Michelle Dockery (Lady Mary Crawley), and Allen Leech (Tom Branson) on Late Night With Stephen Colbert (December 11, 2015).
*NOTE 1: I have nothing but the utmost respect and gratitude for the incorruptible icons of justice and various trustworthy legal-beagles, who appear on MSNBC News: like The Beat host Ari Melber, Chuck Rosenberg, Joyce Vance, Frank Figliuzzi, Barbara McQuade, Maya Wiley, Katie Phang, and many more — I forgot to mention luminaries, like Watergate prosecutor Jill Wine-Banks (a great favourite of mine, because back then, more people actually did their jobs — without fear or favour, or playing party politics), and the truly incomparable Ruth Bader Ginsburg (and the film about her, RBG (2018)), whom I only came to know of and appreciate more recently. They are all people who shine a light, and help others understand what ought to be done by people and government, with respect to the rule of law and the U.S. constitution. With no double-dealing.
I realize social media is where things are at, but in some ways, I may actually be a Luddite (if you can find a real definition and history of that word). Lol.
Kindly read posts from the site itself (myphotoblog.ca), as there are often edits. Better yet is to wait a few days or longer, before reading. Thank you to any companions on this peculiar journey.
.
To Edit, Or Not To Edit
Firstly, I have about 1 functioning brain cell left — if that. And recently, these past few months, I have not been in a very good mood or mindset. Being in fight-or-flight mode, in particular, can bring out the worst in me. Call it trauma, or hypervigilance, or feeling like I’ve been an 18-year patsy in a plan far bigger and more complicated than most people’s imaginings (which I don’t even know myself; just that I’ve been through 1 million or more lessons, tests, retributions, with sometimes terrifying choices and decisions over the tiniest of choices and actions, and so forth, that few can even conceive of — 1 million manipulations, lead-ons, and even traps).
People talk to me about honesty, yet don’t offer the same — or, it’s give, give, give and do, do, do, humiliate and shame, suffer, sweat, cry, deny or alter every aspect of your being, your habits and inclinations, on and on, with a breadcrumb of knowledge in return — or brief moments of grace. Honestly, it feels like 100 million trips on a UFO that dips up and down at high speeds — disappointment after disappointment; more waiting and walking on eggshells, etc; and then, they wonder why you don’t respond anymore, or aren’t willing.
So for the record, ‘in that moment’, I did feel compassion and understanding**, and I liked the young man very much. I did my best to listen. No judgements or aspersions were cast. Was just conscious of the fact that I myself and others were struggling to breathe in a painful and highly politicized social environment.
In the retelling, under my current circumstances and stressors, I sounded uncaring, and I am sorry.
**NOTE: I would even have said ‘deep’, but somehow every thought, feeling, idea, or concept of who I think I am or was is in utter doubt. I seem to get very mixed messages on this front.
People have no idea what I’ve experienced and been through; or how I’ve tried to atone; and exactly how powerful, extremely tight and short a leash I’ve been on for 20 years — which was, at times, terrorizing. No-one who is fully human will ever know. Surveillance cameras do not capture the interior realities and internal phenomena, drama, terrors, etc. One can surmise, but never fully perceive.
Sometimes, it’s felt like trying to climb a sheer rock-face cliff, hanging on by one’s nails, with someone standing above kicking rocks onto your head for 24 hours at a time — literally. That’s just one scenario.
Historically he is asking if one person can bring the inner life of a historical figure into view. Psychologically he is asking if psychologists can really give an accurate picture of the inner world. Religiously he’s asking if one person can accurately perceive the inner world of the spirituality of another person.
As for spouting “lies from the control centre” (NW, 05/25/22) — I’d say 95% of what has gone on since 2000, I cannot even explain, describe, convey or give voice to. And as for any reprieves — I’ve had to go through unbelievably endless hoops to *earn* them. Also, as my friend A. has taught me so well, ‘There’s always a down side.’
Many things I’ve done in good faith; and yet, nevertheless, I’ve observed my entire extended family (including very distant relations) be themselves harmed, manipulated, controlled, denied employment or be underpaid, finagled, fleeced, etc, across a 21-year span. The list goes on. And what could I say?
Oh yes, ethnic cleansing. It begins right here. One fellow volunteer recently and quietly said, “We’ve waited so long.” Presumably to finish me off. Well, guess what. Had they not “waited so long”, I doubt the infinite gains and progress that have been made so far — and the great future vision of a Dawning New Age — would have been achieved with the speed, efficiency and comprehensiveness it has been, without yours truly. There is not one place I look that I don’t see some aspect of my life or experiences (even ideas) being somehow utilized and reflected back at me — many/most/all TV programs and other media; the online world and social media; advertising; companies of all sizes (!!); governments; the policies and practices of all the above, etc.
Want to know why I do so much *navel-gazing*?
Maybe it’s because every avenue of my life has been blocked or repeatedly shut down (not to mention being hacked, tampered with, vandalized, trespassed against, stolen from, violated, ripped off, made non-credible forevermore, injected, or made to jump through countless hoops and perform — they really love that part; and I’m not referring to sexual acts). Every aspect of daily life — both on/offline — that most people take for granted, often lies out of my reach, behind a thousand veils, or is seriously stomped down, if I start to make any progress, it would seem. Keeping the rat in the wheel, lol.
Meanwhile, everyone else’s capabilities are growing and expanding by leaps and bounds. While I have to do things manually, one by one (eg, spending 1-2 hours just to select email recipients and sending in batches of 10, lol; my screen’s view will progressively shrink, or blog controls will appear and disappear, etc, etc); or not be able to access the services commonly offered by the companies I am paying full price to, etc. This all sounds banal, but again, there’s so much more that cannot even be described.
Did you know there are probably hundreds of ways to tamper with one’s vehicle? For example: making various controls inoperable, or controlling them remotely; damaging parts to rack up your bills; tampering with doors and the trunk to bang your head; switching the windshield wipers; siphoning gas, and so on.
This means, of course, I will only be able to ride my bike to limited locations, as it will not be safe from tampering.
I’VE MORE THAN PAID MY DUES, 18 years on…
I was a mostly regular person until age 28; not perfect, not typical, but reasonably peace-loving (see next post).
(Next thing I know, all the meat-eaters out there will be judging me for desecrating animals for food, or for not eating Kosher / Halal / free run / organic meats. Anyway, I would much rather be vegetarian (for every reason that exists — humane, environmental, economic, spiritual, basic cleanliness, etc), but my digestion simply doesn’t tolerate it well — despite repeated attempts to do so healthily. Was vegetarian/vegan for a number of years, but my immune system became quite compromised.)
“To put the matter simplistically, psychopaths are born, and sociopaths are made.“
I had to become cold and uncaring, in many cases, to avoid letting these psychopathic persecutors know that I was actually affected by their doings. Where I might normally call to check in with people, or respond in a timely manner, I became detached and aloof to hopefully deter further tragedies. Obviously that didn’t work.
And what could I do about a perfectly innocent and harmless friendship with K? Was I selfish, exploitative or manipulative? I may as well shun all people and relationships, and renounce the world altogether.
Anyway, this is a huge topic. Frankly, I wonder where Adolph Hitler falls on the psychopathic spectrum, since he and his officers were huge planners.
MOVING FORWARD!
Today (yesterday, now) is AB’s birthday. Once again, I was expected to meet expectations and everything else, in all the right ways. Just more monkey work inside the lab cage. Oh, and of course, at the same time, I found my toiletry products had been tampered with, leading to various ‘physical effects’. Yep, always the hidden slap down. Talking out of both sides of one’s mouth, etc. In 22 years of unbelievably intense experiences, and socio-psychological-environmental-economic-political-spiritual experimentation, I can literally count the extremely brief times where a transcendental alternative or escape was offered — and always at a price, with lots more work, compliance, obedience involved, etc. Or split-second opportunities to change my fate, ack.
Want to know what one great offering was?
I never have to eat or drink ever again! WOW, if that’s a dream situation for you, give me a ring. I can hook you up with the most thorough and helpful team of specialists you will ever meet. Plus, they’ll find every possible way to make you *crave* foods, at the same time. Oh no, no freebies there — we’ll take you along the longest, hardest paths possible.
Tooker Gomberg (1955-2004): A Superb Activist, Writer, Politician
Tooker Gomberg was the only person who seemed capable of comprehending my unbelievable situation, then; and he was a genuine activist, plus a well-known public figure, who had actually organized a Halloween bus ride to protest CSIS’s harassment and other illegal practices — I thought it’d be safe to reach out to him. Yet, when I actually tried to do so, I suddenly felt at a loss for words. Who the heck would believe my experiences or situation?
Here’s a man who likewise inadvertently killed a cyclist (but who’s clearly been allowed the grace and space of a ‘do-over’)…
What happened to Michael Bryant? Former Ontario attorney general on his do-over
Former attorney general of Ontario Michael Bryant’s life changed forever in August 2009 following a deadly encounter with a Toronto cyclist.
Bryant, who had left provincial politics for a job as CEO of Invest Toronto, was driving home from an anniversary dinner with his wife when he got into an altercation with a bike courier along Bloor Street.
Darcy Allan Sheppard, 33, reportedly latched onto Bryant’s car, and as the former provincial politician tried to drive away, Sheppard died when he hit the pavement after striking a mailbox and tree.
Bryant, who was once such a rising star in the Ontario Liberal Party that he was seen as a potential leader and premier, was charged with criminal negligence causing death and dangerous operation of a motor vehicle. The charges were dropped after prosecutors concluded there was little chance of a conviction.
In 2011, Bryant published a book, 28 Seconds, that looked at the aftermath of the controversial incident before he disappeared from public life.
“I had been putting off the ‘now what’ and wondering what the do-over would look like,” Bryant told CBC Radio’s Metro Morning Thursday. “Therein began the process of overthinking and not doing the ‘doing’ part of the do-over.”
That’s when Bryant says he found the Sanctuary, a charitable organization in a former church in the city’s downtown area that serves as a drop-in centre for the homeless.
“I ended up somewhere I did not expect to go,” the 51-year-old explained.
“I ended up in there through a series of events and found myself connecting and identifying with people, and learning from people who I had previously not identified with and frankly been afraid of.”
He claims the organization helped him deal with Sheppard’s death, adding he will never be able to reconcile it.
“That’s something that is just with me all the time,” he said.
“He was a human being and he lost his life and that’s something I can’t undo and can’t go back, so what can I do today? That’s how I’m living.”
Seven years after charges were withdrawn, Bryant is the new executive director of the Canadian Civil Liberties Association, a non-profit organization that advocates for Canadians’ constitutional rights. He also works as a criminal lawyer at a bail court in Brampton, a decision he says was influenced by his experience at Sanctuary.
“While I was having this existential debate in my head about what I should be doing and what the do-over looks like, I had people from Sanctuary coming up to me and saying, ‘Look I’ve been charged. I need some assistance,'” he said.
“This is a group of people who need assistance and need to have their rights protected and that is my job.”
While Bryant has nearly two decades of experience in provincial politics and at the time was the youngest attorney general in the province’s history, he is now representing people in bail court who don’t have a lawyer.
“I’m standing beside a Crown attorney who used to think of me as a boss. I’m facing a justice of the peace who I probably appointed to that bench and I’m looking over at a defendant who in some cases is desperate and is going to do just about anything to get out,” he said.
“I know that feeling a little bit because I was there and I know how terrifying it is to be on the other side of that window in those cuffs.”
This week, in honour of the new year, Metro Morning is bringing you stories of ‘Do-Overs’ — moments in which people decide to make profound changes to their lives. Have you had a ‘Do-Over’ moment? Leave us a message at 416-205-5807 or email us at metromorning@cbc.ca.
Corrections
An earlier version of this story incorrectly reported that Michael Bryant was acquitted in the death of Darcy Allan Sheppard. In fact, Crown prosecutors withdrew all criminal charges against him.Jan 12, 2018 12:08 PM ET
CBC News · Posted: May 25, 2010 10:01 AM ET | Last Updated: May 25, 2010
Cyclist involved in 6 previous altercations with motorists: prosecutor*****
Former Ontario attorney general Michael Bryant says the 28-second incident that led to the death of a bicycle courier in downtown Toronto last August was “horrifying.”
Bryant spoke to reporters Tuesday, hours after Crown prosecutors withdrew all criminal charges against him stemming from the death of Darcy Allen Sheppard.
“What I will never forget for the rest of my life is the unnecessary tragedy of that night,” Bryant said. “A young man is dead, and for his family and friends that remains the searing memory. To them, I express my sympathies and sincere condolences.”
Richard Peck, a prosecutor brought in from British Columbia to handle the case, told a Toronto court Tuesday morning there was no reasonable prospect of conviction.
Former Ontario attorney general Michael Bryant arrives at a court in Toronto on Tuesday, when the Crown withdrew charges involving an altercation with a bike courier. (CBC)
Peck said in court that the decision not to pursue the case was “mine and mine alone.”
Bryant was originally charged with criminal negligence causing death and dangerous operation of a motor vehicle causing death after a confrontation with Sheppard on the evening of Aug. 31, 2009.
Criminal negligence causing death carries a maximum sentence of life in prison, while dangerous operation of a motor vehicle causing death carries a maximum 14-year term.
Police had alleged that Sheppard died after grabbing onto a car on Bloor Street West following an altercation with the driver.
In court, Peck said Bryant and his wife panicked when Sheppard came into their car.
Forensic experts concluded Sheppard was trying to attack Bryant, Peck added.
Video of the incident shows Sheppard leaned into the driver side of Bryant’s car near the steering wheel, and was holding onto the car as it moved forward, veering to the wrong side of the road.
Peck’s report said Sheppard’s left torso hit a fire hydrant located close to the south curb in area of 131 Bloor St. West. The blow dislodged him from Bryant’s car, and caused him to strike his head either on the curb or a raised portion of the roadway.
“The impact was fatal,” according to Peck’s executive summary.
“Our conclusion is that Mr. Bryant had been attacked by a man who unfortunately was in a rage,” Peck later said outside court. “In such circumstances, he was legally justified in attempting to get away. The case could not be proved.”
Sheppard’s struggles detailed
The cyclist’s blood-alcohol concentration at the time of his death was measured at 0.183, more than twice the legal limit, court was told.
“Mr. Sheppard struggled with alcohol, drug use and psychiatric issues,” said Peck, who added that he was trying to outline the facts in the case and not trying to “demonize” Sheppard.
Peck detailed six previous altercations — including one that happened the same day as the incident with Bryant — involving Sheppard and motorists who called police after seeing Sheppard’s photo, which Peck said indicated “a pattern of escalating behaviour with motorists leading to the fateful incident.”
In one case, Sheppard smashed a car mirror, and in another he reached into a BMW trying to snatch keys, Peck told the court.
Family, friends react
Outside of court, Allan Sheppard, the father of the dead cyclist, said he didn’t know what result would have made him happy.
“The people who made the decisions, they heard me, they listened to me, they talked to me with great respect. They reached a decision that I’ll accept.”
Misty Bailey, the dead cyclist’s girlfriend, was more direct.
“The message I’m getting is we deserve to die for riding a bike,” she said. “There’s no repercussions.”
Bryant was elected as the Liberal MPP for St. Paul’s riding in 1999 and won re-election in 2003 — becoming the province’s youngest-ever attorney general at the time — and again in 2007. He also served as aboriginal affairs minister and minister of economic development.
Bryant remained an Ontario cabinet minister until May of last year when he stepped down to take the job as president and CEO of Invest Toronto, an arm’s-length agency set up by the City of Toronto to promote investment. Until then, he had been frequently mentioned as a possible successor to Premier Dalton McGuinty as leader of the province’s Liberals.
Bryant is a Harvard-trained lawyer who clerked at the Supreme Court of Canada and later taught law at the University of Toronto, Osgoode Hall and King’s College, London.
With files from The Canadian Press
(I may be inadvertently spreading disinformation, above. Frankly, nowadays, unless I see things for myself, I cannot say whether something is indeed factual and real, and even then…)
*****NOTE: With the exception of my having shouted back at an extremely aggressive triad member, who had shouted at me and a fellow traveller in 1997 (and seemed to be demanding some sort of response), I myself had NO altercations prior to the surveillance which began in 1998 — nor in the 4.5 years that followed. I may have pushed a few people’s buttons with my unhealed energies.
**NOTE: Stephen Hawking was perhaps the smartest human being on the planet. Yet, he was also a cosmologist (universe vs. multiverse), so had to rework and fit his theories to fit the multiverse understanding of the galaxies. String theory, below, or the ‘theory of everything’ was once thought to better encompass many different theoretical frameworks, like the Big Bang origins, theories of general relativity (Albert Einstein; source: NASA) and quantum mechanics, gravity, the concept of a multiverse that is ever-expanding, and so on — and yet, it is not consistent, and therefore, provable. Not sure where that leaves us, and I’m a total science-flunkie. But certainly have experienced many times a super-detailed interconnectedness between all things here on earth, which also corresponded with the skies above and outerspace (time-space continuum and manipulation; all life and inanimate objects; mental telepathy, etc). On those occasions, it has been like entering a seeming ‘twilight zone’. Bizarre and not to be believed, I’m sure.
This link also came up, but it falls into one of my doubtful categories, as to publication dates, etc:
Imagining Globalization: Power-Geometries of Time-Space (1999)
I’m an obstinate old hag, in so many ways, lol. Not to mention a devolved, body-scratching (every square inch)Contemplating the multiverse should be a daily affair, to balance one’s sanity. Nevertheless, below must be said for now, though it be more inconsequential navel-gazing. I just dislike being disbelieved and misperceived, etc.
In truth, with the other posts and stuff I wrote elsewhere, I rambled and was not as plain-spoken as I could be, partly because I refuse to be the online posterchild for anti-Semitism and other bigotry: The case in point. Anyway…
Re: social media. Only just learning FB since 2021 (reg’d in 2018, and momentarily in 2010). Anyway, FB seems to be a super-aging site of mostly 45-plus. Plus, it’s 75% staged, contrived or completely false, frankly. Still entertaining! TT etc are probably where it’s at; where absolutely everything can be reimagined. I find Twitter too frustrating, long-winded me.
Purposely chose to avoid learning and adapting to social media around 2003, due to privacy concerns. My gawd, what the hell is that, privacy?!
So, yep, I’m officially a dinosaur.
My absolute favourite content on FB are the animal videos –esp. the inter-species ones!!!
Which brings me to YET ANOTHER potential misperception.
Had a recent gut-punch realization of the possible social connotations that my FB header pic may imply (had the same uncomfortable thought back in 2020, when the S&H had again raised it’s head, but I was just too lazy to change it). I don’t usually see it myself, of course, just my profile pic. Anyway, it happens to be one of my early favourite INTER-SPECIES ANIMAL RELATIONSHIP PHOTOS. (Who may be your best space companions, one day, lol.)
A friend had emailed me a bunch a few years ago, and this one stuck out to me most: it’s an image of a dog leading a brood of chicks, plus a larger one of the dog being happily swarmed by the chicks, lol! This is called imprinting, apparently. Besides being a striking photo, I felt it most clearly communicated open lovingness and mutual acceptance, which I dearly love — and yet can no longer seem to find or experience or offer to others, due to my hypervigilance, C-PTSD, wonky energies, you name it. Very sad. (See my post to come, “Being A Team Player”.)
I guess you’d have to see the other pics from that same email batch, and others might have made the same choice. It simply pops — in a cute, humane way!
Now, I have to make some time to clumsily find a less ‘politically-loaded’ pic. I’ve since discovered so many better/clearer INTER-SPECIES PICS and awesome vids on FB — nice!!! (unfortunately, some are very exploitative of animals, behind the scenes. Kinder World has some of the best animal videos — a must-see!)
On a similar note, a few weeks back, I was getting beer for my companion, and i felt the urge to get some for myself. Through ‘product placement’ it would seem, I was faced with very directed choices, so I of course picked the hard iced tea (and you guessed it, it’s yellow-labelled!). Then, I brought it back to D’s and put them in the bar fridge. But I left the middle shelf open, as D drinks tall boys, so I put all my cans on the much-shorter top shelf. Again, no hidden message there. Only dawned on me, when I opened the fridge weeks later.
Also, quite a few more health-oriented folks (of which I used to be one) tend to drink iced tea and ginger ale as being less sugary soft drinks. Whether that’s actually so or not, I’ve never bothered to check. Didn’t drink pops etc for years, anyway — probably for as least as long as I abstained from McDonald’s (ie, 15+ years; a boycott, given McD’s support of Amazon deforestation, plus importing cattle for slaughter and labelling it ‘100% Canadian beef’, etc). Gawd, I’m so old, lol!
Did I mention… (forget now, lol!)
So, I’d rather be sitting by a lake with my dog and possibly a cat, too, lol.
On a more sombre note, and to my shame, has been my extreme survival drive, rightly or wrongly. For example, had I realized K’s final life situation, at the time, maybe I would’ve done the decent thing and taken my own life. (Again, she had contacted me, and wanted to get together. I said I was quite busy, but would call her back; and then, I got the news.) I loosely suspected things 1-2 years too late. By that point, I was in a much different space.
With the amount of often meaningless runaround I’ve been going through for years, I probably could’ve circumnavigated the planet, lol. Yet, with one dear friend, it comes from a very good, reassuringly elevated heart-mind space; and I love and appreciate him dearly. A true spiritual master and yogi. I know that he knows sooo much more about what my actual TRUE STORY is and who I am; yet, he’s never revealed any clues to me. Only A. does — in extremely tiny, repeated bits of info — and on very rare occasions.
“String theory is the idea in theoretical physics that reality is made up of infinitesimal vibrating strings, smaller than atoms, electrons or quarks.” Jan 20, 2022 — https://www.space.com/17594-string-theory.html
(First written May 13, 2022; and edited June 9, 2022.)
Although quite a portrait has seemingly been painted of me so far in my life (to many), here’s what I also know:
EXAMPLE 1: AIRLINE
When I worked for an airline back in the 1990s, I laboured for well over a year on a proposal that would have improved the entire company, and benefitted all of its internal and external customers around the world. I DID SO, EVEN IF IT MEANT PUTTING MYSELF OUT OF A JOB. (I always figured there is always other work to be done. And I used to believe in improving things for their own sake.)
My boss literally spluttered at me: “Are you trying to get us all fired?!?” Then, she promptly kiboshed the whole thing.
Yet, centralizing information management would have vastly enhanced both internal-external communications in all types of media, across 7 languages, globally — and it would’ve meant 100% accuracy, accessibility and accountability — plus more flexibility, efficiency, strengthened customer service, and a better bottom line. And it would’ve cost ZERO DOLLARS to implement.
With all the technical and scheduling information, alone, and communicating with such disparate parties as their subsidiary companies, loyalty club, the International Air Transport Association (IATA), 52 airports worldwide, thousands of travel agents / agencies and tour operators, hotels, mass media, the budding internet (in the form we now know it; see Note 1)*, and so forth — well, you can imagine that accurate information is absolutely imperative. And yet, that wasn’t necessarily happening. Or, it was very difficult and cumbersome to maintain; and there were a lot of information silos. It was a simple solution to an obvious problem; and it didn’t take a lot of brains to see it.
Still, I worked my ass off — slaving away through holidays; staying late regularly; and even pulling all-nighters at the office. I also put my own funds into creating the proposal; recruited friends to help me; and started to sprout gray hairs by age 27.
And what was in it for me? Maybe a pat on the back and reimbursement for my efforts (as they were damn frugal) — but most of all, it would’ve made my own job easier and less labour-intensive. Eventually, defying my boss’s orders, I did invite various middle managers together to present the idea to. In hindsight, I should’ve just gone straight to senior management — as one of the managers eventually tried to do with my proposal, after I had tendered my resignation, and minus all the research and evidence I had accumulated to back it all up.
The only cost involved with this communications proposal would have been to reassign one of their crème de la crème management trainees to be the central information coordinator in the Corporate Communications Department. A few of the managers immediately suspected me of trying to create this new position for myself; but no.
At another job, prior to above, the management merged both the engineering department and design section (basically , the office part of the company) with the factory — and then, simply rolled back the employee benefits of the former two.
Obviously, people were upset, and I agreed to write a letter that was signed by I forget how many people (25-50?). A few people tried to quietly suggest that I was putting myself at risk. And indeed, the company did use various intimidation tactics to get people to hastily sign and accept their new contracts, so the concerns for me were not unfounded.
I had more to lose than to gain, yet I did care about my fellow co-workers and respecting basic rights — despite my now having evolved into someone who is at times arrogant, and sometimes self-obsessed and unempathetic towards others.
EXAMPLE 3: O Canada!
It is an understatement to say that I have been closely watched, studied, psychoanalyzed, defamed and defrauded — with just a scattering of indirect proof that any of this has gone on — starting in 1998 and lasting until now, 2022. The most recent assault of digital hacking and tampering of my key accounts and device (eg, email, banking, blog, FB, my phone, etc) to various problems in our homes and vehicles (trespassing, minor theft, seeming vandalism) have been happening since April 1, 2022 (April Fool’s Day). And yet, most of it (the at-home stuff) is so trivial as to be absolutely ridiculous! And yet, undeniable.
I’m not going to go into all that. Just trust me that others have witnessed some of the goings-on and/or believe in the illegal surveillance activities and targeted harassment after so many years. And upon seeing the albeit *breadcrumb* evidence, they are likewise baffled by it.
Seemingly inexplicable things have happened to and around me, but how, why or by whom doesn’t make sense to people — unless they critically analyze the whole thing from a sociopolitical perspective, know my story and how things evolved, and most of all, understand that the “surveillance state” isn’t just a news segment on W5 — it’s actively happening to all of us. I just blundered into a bad situation — and am hopelessly outspoken, critical, and defiant — and unfortunately, dragged in others (though I’m trying to learn to do differently).
In any case, I’ve been cast as a ‘hater’ of all sides and groups, by my own country — one that I have deeply loved and cared for, and believed so much in. My love for Canada ran deep, until they spited even that last bit of care out of me. Admittedly, though, I’ve held nostalgically onto a Canada that seems to have rapidly disappeared.
Elsewhere in this blog, I mentioned how I love having a balanced diversity and inclusivity — but I also mean one that is in keeping with this nation’s unique history of both the First Nations people and the European settlers (initially British and French colonizers, then others). Yet, I also said many years ago that I believed we should “work with what we have” — whilst stemming the tide of uneven immigration, or even too much immigration. I have said repeatedly that the original Canada I once knew and loved is being dissipated and weakened; that it needs to keep fortifying itself from within — its own historical roots, customs, values, practices and overall rich heritage — before it can take on so many newcomers.
In a way, I have personally wished to preserve and also revive the primarily Eurocentric Canada (see Note 2)** that had made it such a shining example of excellence, integrity, unique character and courage, both at home and on the world stage — but I had wrongly hoped this might be done with its lawfulness and some recourse to justice still intact.
[EDIT JUNE 7/22: However, this is unrealistic in a rapidly changing global society that is also rapidly attempting to colonize outerspace (and galaxies beyond), whilst polluting it with ‘space junk’ and harming the atmosphere, too, let’s face it. I’m sure there’s an abundance of information out there (or perhaps not) about the multitude of human, scientific, technological, and cultural developments heading in infinite directions.]
(Anyway, the same issues mentioned above are being struggled with in the U.S., who unfortunately is even more fragmented and polarized than we are; plus, they disperse their efforts and resources in so many different ways and in places around the world. Driving up their debts, and owing so much to China. And both the 2 major wars they have fought since the 9-11 attacks in New York (2001) and the vast funding of the military — plus the after-effects on their veterans, like lost limbs, biochemical poisoning, PTSD, suicide, drug addiction, homelessness, etc — damages or kills so many of their fine young people. Used up and spit out, while those in power reap the rewards of their soldiers’ loyal efforts. Gun violence is another crazy problem plaguing that great nation. They literally have the equivalent of 1-1.5 mass killings per day, annually. And all their schools have safety drills, in case a shooter shows up — what a way to grow up!)
Like many other fellow native-born or long-time Canadians, I recognize that many people who have lived and worked in Canada all of their lives, or who have served as veterans for example, are getting short shrift — especially those in their retirement years — as compared to, say, new refugees who get a generous leg-up and tend to network in ways that many people who are originally from here don’t.
Like many conscious Canadians, I believed in a certain vision of Canada: a strong, healthy, peaceful, safe, prosperous, well-functioning,highly advanced (see Note 3)***, ecologically-flourishing and responsible, diverse society that could be a model to other nations — even if it meant facing and enduring a lingering amount of systemic racism and oppression in my own life, on a daily basis — given the fact that I am Asian-Canadian, bisexual, feminist, a former activist, underemployed, a mental health survivor, etc.
[SIDENOTE: It’s because of my ethnicity that I was racially-profiled for an incident involving a legal document, which initiated the surveillance, in the first place (see Note 4).**** Through a series of coincidences, it eventually became a ‘team effort’. With all that stress, and no real kindred spirits or community, I became increasingly marginalized and a social pariah. For my surveillers, I was an easy sociopolitical target and, ultimately, made for an *interesting* case study.
I knew that the latter was a pivotal reality, and that my personal situation — plus all the learnings for Big Brother — had become generalized and extremely widespread in the broader society; yet, I did not have it fully confirmed and clarified, until June 6, 2022.]
These are all very complex issues, and I am admittedly very ignorant about it all. But I was once upon a time quite passionate about collaborating with others on innovative solutions to address these pressing problems — especially from a healthy, holistic, transformative and sustainable environmental perspective.
**NOTE 2: Having said that, in evolutionary biology co-evolution (or cross-breeding) can strengthen a group, and I would suggest it is likely to be all the Caucasoid groups (Europe + Middle East, West / Central / South Asia, South America, North Africa) bolstering each other, yet still heading towards a European model in future. A return to Eden, and vastly less populated.
***NOTE 3: Despite bringing back portable solar charging panels from Hong Kong, and other information and possible ideas for strengthening ‘green development’ — I probably became extremely antagonistic and resistant towards technological and cultural advancements or ‘progress’, in general. Given that I was blindered from the Master Plan (and still am), while being subjected to so many kinds of attacks made possible through technology. However, I believe the real sticking point for myself and many people — especially activists — is the *ethics* behind what is being done. Especially in the areas of cutting-edge science and medicine, technology and computers, engineering, Big Business, media — or anything that has significant impacts on or relevance to humans (and all life) or our shared environments, ecologies, and ecosystems — scrutiny is necessary. Or was. With extreme power and / or secrecy, it can be very easy to bypass or bend rules, laws, and regulations that are intended to protect people and society. I have no issue with ‘advancements’ — it’s the accountability and long-term impacts or consequences of any area of human endeavour that has always had me concerned. Like when I was 11, and went on a tour of a nuclear power plant. I asked my engineer father, But what do we do with the spent nuclear fuel (or used uranium rods) afterwards??? (Not my exact words, but that was in essence my question.) Plus, the many nuclear weapons, which continue to proliferate around the world. Perhaps the higher beings are able to neutralize those, when the time comes.
****NOTE 4: Happy to discuss further.
CONCLUSION
The bottom line is: as with the above 3 examples, I believe that I do care and think about a lot more than myself. I may be self-oriented and, in times of prolonged stress or crisis moments, I may be inclined to either pump myself up, or put myself first — but somewhere inside is a loving heart.
(Note: I am most definitely not a stay-at-home mom or caregiver type.)
THOUGHTS ON OPPRESSION
About systemic oppression: many people don’t fully appreciate how soul-destroying and yet intangible it can be. How it hits some harder than others, depending upon so many factors. I can give just one tiny example of a Jewish guy whom I knew briefly.
This wonderful young man introduced himself and later oscillated between giving us the anglicized version of his surname and his actual one — although neither would have been seen as anything but anglophone, which is exactly how it came across.
And yet, it was clear to me, in that moment, that he bore the full weight of his ancestry, with all its historical persecution (see Note 5)***** — even though, he has ‘white privilege’; was among supportive, open, friendly people; had no language barriers or accent (or acquired speech + vocabulary difficulties, in my case); wasn’t identifiably Jewish in any way, including his last name(s); and so forth.
Yet that is how burdensome both systemic and internalized oppression can be, often suffocating people in so many layers of experienced negativity — usually by being identifiable, not accepted or discriminated against, and thus, often unable to surpass certain sociopolitical or economic barriers — both obvious and hidden ones. It is so painfully real that some may even twist themselves into knots just trying to be seen for who they ARE, or what they CAN DO — without prejudice or stereotypes, and being somehow pushed down, cast aside (or shunned; isolated, either personally or collectively [as in ghettos]; beaten; jailed; made ill; poisoned; maimed; tortured; killed!).
Anyway, both traditional and digital / social media, as we know, is massively powerful. It can also be abused, manipulated and totally faked, with complete news stories perpetuated — even headlining ones! And technology is so sophisticated now that they even have the ability to resurrect people from the grave in life-size 3D talking, moving holograms (see 60 Minutes segment).
In short, I am guilty of many things — including over-glorifying myself and engaging in ‘aspirational puffery’ (see TheIntercept.com article by Sharon Lernerabout bottled water giant BlueTriton). And yet, I believe there are also some minute grains of ‘other’ truths, above. Me, pre-surveillance days.
However the ‘powers that be’ and my many detractors may showcase me in laugh-worthy memes, or videos of my various (grotesque, desperate?) failings, and the like — I obviously made some kind of impact, and was an unwitting catalyst for certain developments in the ‘global village’ turned surveillance social bubble. ‘Big Brother’ a la 1984 by George Orwell (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nineteen_Eighty-Four).
At the very least, I emboldened ‘the watchers’ in certain ways, and perhaps even helped speed or facilitate the transition of business and industry as ‘socio-environmental saviours’ — rather than the increasingly conflicted view of them as exploitative, greedy and oppressive (see Occupy Wall Street 1%).
Marrying corporate efficiency and its results-oriented and performance-dependent survival with left-wing activism and values, is something I tried to advocate for in 2000 onward (although the seeds of it began in 1993; and in 1997, I left my corporate job to pursue my socio-environmental ideals). In 1998, I decided that fostering more (democratic-style) cooperatives would be an ideal counterbalance to unchecked global capitalism. Social enterprise and beyond.
I also was studying Organizational Change and Action Learning, and I pointed out that the government is an organization like any other, which needs to be made efficient and effective. No surprise there. But it’s the How. And, unfortunately, the conservative Right have indeed closed that gap between business and government — but not by promoting smaller government, as they once claimed, but rather, an ultra-powerful one that serves their cronyism, and business + political objectives. Bending all laws and rules, as it suits their interests. (I used to have an apt quote about how sometimes Big Business feels government regulations simply get in their way.)
Worst of all, it seems government has been totally turned away from being in any way responsive to the people’s needs — despite any appearances to the contrary — and instead, into the worst kind of self-protected and self-interested towering entity. A far cry from being accessible, accountable and transparent. It’s honestly like a futuristic movie. Anyway.
*****NOTE 5: The persecution and exile of Jews, and in more recent times, systemic discrimination and attempts at extermination (ie, the Holocaust of World War II, 1939-45), has actually been going on for 2.5 millennia. There are many examples, but I remember being surprised as a young person at quite a few. And later, a Yahoo news article on that subject, which I attempted to post to an older, activist blog, got pulled the next day. So much for freedom of the press. Anyway, here’s one very brief summary of Jewish oppression, and the Wikipedia page on the Persecution of Jews.
How government should work?
“Basing politics on the consent of the governed, limiting government power, respecting the rights of citizens…”
MY PERSONAL DEVOLUTION: 1997 – 2022 (aka Breakdown Bitch)
Not sure if one is able to fully grasp from the post above, but my life has been a tumultuous and wild journey, at times, during the past 25 years. I have been much persecuted and profoundly misunderstood for my outspokenness, at times — hence, the hacking and in-home GASLIGHTING.
Well, actually all that would’ve happened eventually, anyway. (Some people don’t believe in ‘destiny’ or ‘fate’; and yet, my personal story is such a crazy one, it could only be best understood in a fictional film or book, lol.) It’s all about how we are convenient (and unpaid, cost-free) lab rats in an at-times predatory, ‘survival of the fittest’ world (see Note 6)******. Just saying it like it is. For a variety of reasons — including having my life and mental state (and overall psyche) hugely exacerbated by Big Brother and their invasive surveillance; plus, struggling with serial unemployment, and often working at jobs that I wasn’t necessarily well-suited to — I have devolved in significant ways, over the course of 20 or so years. I also had chaotic relationships, plus many other challenges to deal with. Long story.
One rare time, I had a conversation with a man — with no BS or social politics — just an openness, which reminded me of the person I used to be. Neither of us had anything to gain; there were no manipulations, hidden agendas, threats, coercions, health detriments, or backlashes. The freeflow of both mind and heart was refreshing.
******NOTE 6: It may seem like there is a recurring theme of money and finances. My own view of money is very much in line with people – great thinkers and doers – like Mary Morrissey, John Assaraf (founder of Neurogym.com), Natalie Ledwell, Vishen Lakhiani (founder of MindValley.com), Pastor Joel Osteen (JoelOsteen.com), the many Dragons and Sharks on Dragon’s Den (on CBC) and Shark Tank (on ABC), respectively, and so on.
Not only does money (and all forms of capital) buy freedom, and so many necessities of life (food, shelter, clothing, etc) — but it is a type of ENERGY. In many ways, accumulating the Almighty Dollar can be a simple manifestation and extension of one’s personal abundancy mindset — but also, an incredibly powerful tool in creating socio-environmental-economic-political change.
I feel like I’m stating the obvious; however, it’s funny that I get demonized for reminding myself and others of this precious detail — especially when virtually every other interest has become completely moot in my life.
J. and I attended ‘These Are Their Stories’. Grammy-award winning singer/guitarist Dan Hill was one of the speakers and performers for mental health. Dan spoke about his mother and siblings, who struggle(d) with Bipolar Disorder. One in five are affected by mental health issues.
Collaborative mural we women did in Women’s Wellness Arts Therapy group. Profound comment by one participant, Lisa: “Science makes living possible; the arts makes living worthwhile.”
These two pieces were done by Lisa in about an hour. It’s hard to see all the elements, but I believe the first one speaks to her passion for music and guitar-playing; and the second one is a powerful piece about time and being ‘good enough’, and it includes a fire-breathing dragon.
And each of us made a mask of how we see ourselves, and how others see us.
My beautiful friend Kusum Bhatia passed away in a tragic house fire on Tuesday, November 20th, 2018. She is survived be her dear husband Ravi and her loving son Roche.
Kusum has been a wonderful friend these past 6 years, after we first met as roommates for 2 weeks in 2013. She, Susan, and I were the ‘Three Musketeers’ – Kusum called us that. Sadly, we were supposed to meet for coffee the very week she passed so unexpectedly. I was just thinking of calling her when her husband notified me of the news. Synchronicity.
Kusum has been a true friend of the heart and an unforgettable companion, with all her funny stories about family and life. She is the only person in my contact list with a special symbol next to her name that always brightens my day whenever she calls – it’s a flower, like her name, which means Blossom (and Fire) in Hindi. May her bright spark rest in peace. (K’s Eulogy)
I am including just one pic of her here; the rest are sprinkled throughout this blog.
(NOTE: Whenever you reach the bottom of the screen, please wait for the rest of the pictures to load. You will note that I’ve given up photography as a hobby, as years have passed between posts!)
This is steps from the Danforth shooting site, just a few months after the tragedy.
It is one short block from where I used to live for 9 years (and 4 years on Pape), and where some of my friends, acquaintances, and former neighbours still live.
The weird thing is the two areas I go to visit friends – Danforth/Carlaw and Yonge/Finch – both had mass killings this past year. VERY SCARY AND SAD!!
I’m excited to share the results of my 13th annual Best of Photos project. 112 photographers from around the world (amateur and professional alike) have shared their best photos of 2019. I’m always amazed at the quality of work shared and I hope it’s a source inspiration to you for the coming year. For those who are new to my blog project, photographers ta […]
Thanks for checking in to see my best photos of 2019. This year for a variety of reasons I didn’t have many opportunities to get out and pursue photography to the degree I’d have preferred. Some of the reasons why were good (new house, settling in, kid activities with both boys being in elementary school for the first time, etc.) and some were downright bumm […]
It is time to kick off the 13th annual best photos of the year blog project! I’m proud to say over the years that hundreds of photographers have taken part (see Best Photos of 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011, 2010, 2009, 2008 and 2007). It’s great to see the community of photographers that have developed around this blog project. As always I […]
Love the Weekly Photo Challenge here? Looking for more opportunities to share your photos and meet other bloggers? Try one of these community-run events.
Healing Journey 